A very long article about cats and another not so long article about cats.

I read recently a woman's post on cats. Normally I don't bother and scroll or click away, but she looked quite hot so my attention span spanned for more than 2 seconds. Then I noticed words such as intelligence, affection and other sugary attempts at anthropomorphism. And I also noticed the post was rather very long. So I stopped, eventually, after 3 seconds (which is 50 percent more than usual). I'm all in for wasting time and enjoying the occasional hilarious drivel, but not one that takes itself seriously. Because nasty things can happen if people start taking seriously such things (look at religion).
In the attractive lady's defence, I can see the cat appearing intelligent to her (in a direct comparison the cat would probably win), but this doesn't change anything.

Here's a good example.
I was taking out the trash this morning when I noticed a group of five cats in heat. All tense, growling and fighting. I am not familiar with cats' interest in group sex in general, but this particular group didn't seem to be much into that; they seemed to struggle with the teaming. You could see immediately there was an obvious problem with grouping an odd number of things into pairs.
First, a bit of math. I am not proficient at distinguishing a cat's sex from the distance (no, this isn't the part that has anything to do with math), so let's cover all scenarios. The most difficult one is -in my opinion- 3 males and 2 females. Because 4 males and 1 female would be much easier to sort; just set the rota and make sure everyone follows schedule. And 5 males is even easier; problem solved already. They can all go for a beer and have a good time; no need to fight, at least not before a few glasses. In fairness (and also to keep pleased my feminist readers, I'm sure there are lots of them among the 3 or 4 readers of this blog), let's cover now the scenarios when females outnumber the males. An almost equal number of females and males -that's 3 females and 2 males, if you struggle with numbers- is the trickiest bit, because no male would allow the other one to have two while it only gets one. 4 females to 1 male is probably the easiest: the male promises to take care of all of them, but after having a go with the best-looking one it'll get tired and fall asleep. In these case there would be only 3 cats fighting, one quiet and happy and the fifth quiet and happy. And sleeping. And finally, the scenario of 5 females could easily explain the fighting, hissing and overall noise.

Of course, there could also be sexual minorities (to keep HR happy, too), but not even David Attenborough is that thorough. Ricky Gervais tackled the topic briefly more than 10 years ago but eventually dismissed it for lack of evidence.

I thought of all this while enjoying the show (I know most people find irritating the noise cats make when they're in heat, but I find it hilarious). But after feeling like Attenborough observing wild animals in their natural habitat, I got cold after a few minutes and got back inside.

My point is that cats are nowhere near humans at organizing even such simple tasks. People are more evolved, they invented things like gang-bangs (or the more conservative ménage-à-trois for those interested but bashful or agoraphobic) or fishbowls and car-keys to tackle such complicated matters. And let's not forget alcohol, of course. Actually, the most human behaviour I've seen in a cat was when it got drunk at a party. After 2 saucers of champagne and some beer it got feisty and unstable.

But generalization based on exceptions is wrong. Granted, cats are generally cute and particularly cuddly. But not human. Unless you count crass stupidity. In which case that attractive lady is very, very right.

Owling at the moon

Owls are impressive birds. They're viewed as fascinating and intelligent. They instill respect and sometimes fear. In some cultures they're viewed as harbingers of sorcery, ill omen or even death; it is thought an owl shrieking on someone's roof means someone in that house will die soon. But, occasional morbid reputation aside, most people think highly of them. They’re an icon of wisdom. Their big heads and big eyes are considered signs of superior intelligence. In stories they're often depicting old, wise characters. Their hypnotic but kind eyes, low voice and aura of mystery gain people's trust and respect for their judgment, which they often seek at times of doubt or grief. Nocturnal and solitary, they're not accessible to the non-initiated.
On top of their wisdom, some species are stunning specimens. Sometimes silvery or snow-white, their majestic plumage and aristocratic posture are a treat for any eye lucky to catch a glimpse. There is something almost magical about them, either in mid-flight or while dozing serenely on a branch, deep in the heart of the woods.
Most of them are grey and plain, though. And ugly. Their posture is forced and distorted and it’s there only to impress the weak. Their big eyes leave a little room for a little brain that can be only bothered with menial tasks like not knocking their big head against a tree while flapping around and looking for the occasional rodent to feast upon. They're vile and savage like a cheap predator. If any human feeling were to be wasted on them, it would be contempt or embarrassed pity. On more careful observation it's not hard to notice the cheap and fake shiny image, the shallowness behind the magniloquent talk and pompous feathers, the obsessed fixation on a fat juicy victim, the aggressive way they yell at their shiny cells in the office, in the restaurant or in the car. You see all the loud talk is only to cover the fear of missing the (quarterly) target, of seeing that juicy victim running away, of the fat percentage escaping from their talons in another salesperson's pocket.
Well, I say salespeople; I was thinking of owls. I know, I know, if you read again... But still, hmmm, what a strange coincidence!

Disclaimer: no sales people were harmed during the writing of this story. But on the other hand, when have they ever been on time for anything?