There's no such thing as a can closer

There's no sure way of avoiding spam, but there are 3 easy tips to avoid 90% of it: have a big penis, a college degree and an expensive watch.
Being gay or a woman also helps. Staying offline, being illiterate or a vegetarian helps, too. Come to think of it, it's pretty easy to avoid spam. We shouldn't complain.

And yet, there is a kind of spam that irritates me more than the pretty Russian girl bored tonight, the Nigerian lawyer or the Australian lottery: it's spam that comes from within the company.
They know where I work, they know my email address, they don't even give me an unsubscribe link. And they use a lot of pictures.
The bad part is that it's not even interesting. It's not about a cheap Rolex or videos of naked celebrities. It's not about making money quickly, although they actually know how to do it (it's by underpaying other employees). It's about great sales, fantastic acquisitions, corporate initiatives that would turn me into a happy monkey, about women leadership in the workplace and other crap (by the way, I'm not against women leadership, but if we're all equal how come I never get emails about men leadership, too?).

I'd read emails from the CEO if they mentioned how to get a big house or at least the Rolex. I'd click on the links in the email from the CFO to see her naughty pictures from the Xmas party. I'm kidding, of course: we didn't have an Xmas party. It's crisis, remember?
The closest they ever came to something interesting was when they mentioned sexual minorities. I read that one, but it didn't have links to seeing them in hot action, or at least a toolbar to help me look them up on the intranet. They just mentioned we had them. Yawn.
I still wouldn't read emails from Sales, though. They don't even know it's crisis, and their numbers are spectacular.

And one more thing to add injury to the offense: they don't even bother to guess or mis-spell my name, it's not even Dear Corporate Monkey or Dear Addressbook. My notification emails about server X high on memory or database Y low on disk space are more personal, interesting and honest. It's more boring than death-by-Powerpoint. But it happens in Outlook. And more often. And is giving me headaches. Do you know where I can get cheap Vicodin?