Bedlam story

A few hundred years ago there was a little girl who lived in a small house near an enchanted forest. The forest had been enchanted by a lumberjack who liked to take advantage of innocent, virgin forests. You'd think they'd know better than trusting men who hang around in the woods, but...
Anyway, some lumberjacks do that, while others grow claws and move to Canada to become superheroes. In most cases the claws are an unaesthetic consequence of lack of proper nail hygiene. However, those involved in forest enchanting pay adequate attention to their appearance; good looks are of paramount importance for success in luring endeavors.
This is also valid for day-to-day interactions. For instance, when you go to a job interview attention to detail matters. Although if going to a job interview is part of your day-to-day activities probably you're not very good at getting a job. Unless you work in HR (in which case you're probably not very good at... never mind, that's for another story).
For some reason, superheroes tend to over-complicate their lives and manage to get involved in other conflicts. If I were a super-hero I would briefly take advantage of my super-power(s) to secure a comfortable retirement and then I would enjoy a... well, a comfortable retirement.
But this is not about me. This is about a little girl who lived in a small house near an enchanted forest. Are you sure you're paying attention? Hmmm, OK. One day, the little girl was playing in the woods when she met a strange-looking man with rather long nails, just like her mom's. At first she was worried he would be one of those men who go in the woods just like in the story you've been reading so far. But then she noticed the man's nails were rather trim and nicely covered in red polish, also just like her mom's. If anything, this was a man paying excessive attention to his appearance. This calmed her down a bit (you see, attention to detail pays off), as her dad had told her this kind of men are rather safe and overall excellent friends for women. She calmed down even more when this man killed the wolf that had eaten her grandma just before she was about to deliver her a basket of sundry goods. By the end of all this bedlam she had utter confidence in this man. And so did her grandma, even though old people aren't usually very tolerant towards men with long, polished nails.
They all lived happily for a while, but in the long run it didn't matter as the little girl is now dead. Because all this happened a few hundred years ago. This was the first thing you've been told at the beginning of this story.
Sherlock Holmes was very attentive to detail and he would have figured this story without so many explanations. He would have also realized the man with long nails had been using red polish to cover the blood stains. On the other hand, he was taking copious amounts of drugs to overcome boredom. Which is probably a great idea for those slower days during comfortable retirement.

Annoying at the rate of half a million words per weekend.

It's usually 3-4 minutes after you've bought the digital camera when you feel you're already a professional photographer. If there are buttons and dials you don't understand, you're definitely on the right track. If it's a more expensive camera, the weekends for the following 3-4 months will be spent on seminars on how to take photos like a pro (and learn what the buttons do). And then you go on trips for professional photo shooting in unique places. On the way there, you get to show your gear to other professional photographers who share your taste. Even the memory card is carefully weighed and admired with that air of elegance and sophistication of people that ask for beer on the plane from the flight attendant with the drinks trolley. Once you get there, you embark on the quest to get that unique photo that nobody else will ever get (except for the other 20 pros on the bus. Or someone from the next group, next Saturday). Most of the times it's a flower growing on a stump or dead insect on a stump, about 100 meters away from the bus stop.
Once all this is over, you're finally ready to shoot like a pro. Anything else in your life becomes an opportunity to take a really good photo. Well, I say one... It's usually 4-500 per weekend. Everybody has to sit still now, this light practically begs for a group photo against that background (a mall or some trees). Look at that original angle! Look at that shade! Unmissable! One more time now, because I missed the light. Or rather, the light was not right (it's never right the first 15 times). And again, 20 minutes later, the light is even better now. Now you move there, you hold that flower, you tilt your head like this. Now don't move for 10 to 20 minutes, because there's a better lens for this light. A lens that's always at the bottom of your backpack. The one specially designed for cameras and accessories. It takes ages to find anything in one of those 35 compartments and pockets, but it's still better than an average backpack because everything is neatly organized. People who are not professional photographers like you usually complain it's starting to rain or their leg is starting to feel numb while you're focusing and exposing, but in about 3-4 years (processing the photos is never easy) they'll see the photo and really appreciate the effort.
By the time those photos are ready half the people have died of old age and you're back to using a compact camera -like the one you had before you got the big, expensive one- but somehow even more expensive. Because it still has interchangeable zoom and bipolar lenses and autistic viewfinder. And the difference in quality is marginal even to a pro's eye. For everyone else it won't matter either because they will never see the pictures anyway. Also, it's easier to carry around. The photos you're posting on facebook are still taken with your phone, because the camera is too valuable to carry around in your pocket. Yes, it is pocket-able but only an idiot would carry it like that. The best way to protect it is to keep it in the desk drawer, at home. For really good photos there's always your iPad.