Conflicting pirates of something that sounds like Carribean but hasn't been used yet in failed puns.

OK, let’s not waste too much time!
First example.
When I was younger I used to watch many movies in which the good guy fights the bad guy for about 10-15 minutes before the movie ends. There's a pattern in the flow, which goes like this: good guy finds bad guy after having beaten everybody else in the bad guy's gang; the bad guy consistently beats the crap out of the good guy for a while; the good guy suddenly remembers the bad guy did something evil to his little sister, mistreated his family or did something nasty to the entire village (rarely did good guys come from big cities) some time ago. Based on that flashback, he suddenly becomes even more motivated and defeats the bad guy easily. There's more to say about this, but maybe some other time.

Here's another example (second example, if you're one of those people that like to keep track of such things).
When I was even younger, I used to be a pirate. Not like the ones that download music on the internet, but a proper one (well, almost; explanation below). This was hundreds of years ago, when internet connectivity was not that good, on account of not having been invented yet. To put things in perspective, it was even worse (not by much, though) than it is today in less civilized parts of the world. For instance, the area between Canada and the United Mexican States. Being an almost proper pirate meant I was sailing and searching for treasures, but I hadn't lost a leg or an arm, mainly because I find them more convenient and ergonomic than using a hook or a stump. Also, my vision was quite good back then, and my eyes were unobstructed by any patches, which can be inconvenient when trying to spot remote islands or competing/ enemy ships lurking just below the horizon. Also, patches are not easy to keep dry while sailing the rough seas. Ironically, patches are quite relevant today in the age of the modern internet and people trying to quit smoking. Those are different patches, though (I suppose you could still use a nicotine patch over your eye to kill two birds with one stone -looking like a pirate and quitting smoking, in case you got confused- but I am not certain about the effectiveness for the latter scenario). One more thing before we go back to the current example. Yes, yes, the second example; that's very good, very good indeed. You should reward your distributive attention with a cookie or a piece of candy. I don't find it easy at all to kill one bird with one stone, let alone two; either task is complicated enough to render the comparison pointless. It's a misleading trope. And stones are not that hard to find, are they? And what idiot likes to kill birds with stones, anyway?
So: I was a pirate, but I had all my limbs, didn't wear stupid clothes and didn't have a parrot talking gibberish on my shoulder. I used to find practical waterproof clothes more important than fashionably tacky black and white garment, with buckles, ruffles and bird droppings on the shoulder. No matter how cute talking parrots are, you get fed up with them after a while and are tempted to kill them with a stone.
Besides due customs or random conflicts with authorities, locals or other sailors, we'd often set sail towards remote islands where treasures were to be found. In those days it was not uncommon to find mysterious maps, which could be found in bottles on the shore or in the basement of taverns. A mysterious map should contain at least 3 of the following elements in order to be credible: a forest or at least a clump of palm trees, dotted lines starting from the trees or from a rock in the shape of a skull, a cross encompassed by a circle with rich ornaments and a big N indicating the North, the tropic of Capricorn (usually the island is below it on the map, treasure islands above it, let alone the Northern hemisphere, are rather scarce), a big X pointing to the treasure and some warning of hidden dangers lurking ahead. Also, a small lake or waterfall are not uncommon.
Once we got the map (I wouldn't go alone, I'm not very fond of waters deeper than my height), we'd face many dangers such as fights with other pirate ships (but only during storms, you never witness a fight in fine weather), over-tanning, boredom and other things which I cannot remember so I'll label them as miscellanea. Women were not allowed on the ships back then, as they were considered bad luck and the sailing feminist community was not that developed in order to come up with relevant protests. One major downside of this (besides being in the company of superstitious people) was that nobody could ask for directions when we got lost. Fortunately, fights or riots were a reliable sign you were near your destination, as most of them broke out very soon before someone on the mast would yell "Laaaaand!" Once we'd get on the land we'd go through other perilous adventures such as cannibals, poisonous insects, running out of water or food or someone from the crew running away with the map to get the entire treasure for themselves. More than often we'd find the traitor dead in horrible conditions, hanging from a tree or behind some bushes that someone would happen to go to in order to look for berries (or so they'd say). Finding their bodies was preceded by the camera zooming on the area and ominous music. And followed by cheers of people whose belief in karma was reinforced (although it wasn't known as karma back then), which was right up their superstitious alley. If there's a cave on the island, the treasure is always buried there (unfortunately, this pattern was noticed after many hours of digging in the wrong places). If there's no such cave, it's in the sand or under some scary ancient statue covered in ferns. Either way, as a rule, it's always in the furthest place from where you've parked the ship (or dropped anchor, for those more accustomed to pirate parlance).
After the tedious cruise and dangerous trip -tired, hungry and thirsty- we'd usually find the spot where the treasure was buried. Another piece of menacing music was sign we were in the right place. At this point we'd notice we either forgot or lost the shovel (digging in the sand with a knife only works in movies), and since everyone was too exhausted to get back to the ship to get another one, we'd just pack and go back home.

Well, I'm convinced at this point the conclusion of these strikingly similar examples is already quite obvious, but there you go anyway: some people will do a brilliant job only up to a certain point, while others only can get to do something only after they've been pushed past a certain point (hint: this is from the first example). Either way, everyone can be nice people, no matter how different. And regardless of where they come from and what they do, you could always learn something valuable from someone's life story. So pay attention to all people! You never know when you can exploit their stories for quasi-philosophical purposes.

A good title is hard to find.

One of the check-boxes people feel the need to tick when they visit Australia is kangaroos. Kangaroos are sneaky predators that strike when you expect it the least. Their modus operandi involves sending their cubs to play with tourists and look cuddly and friendly. They accept your food and if you had something more in mind, they'd say yes to that, too. And while you're busy aaaawing and oohing and getting your fancy digital camera ready for a memorable snap, they steal your phone. Quickly and discreet, they operate regardless of the make and model, assuming it's been made less than 3-4 years ago; the only thing they don't care for is really old phones, like those that grandma or hillbillies are still using.
If you believe the ads, the most discreet thing in the world is a tampon. Tampons are also said to be major confidence boosters. Anyway, you cannot really trust the advertising agencies. They try to make evil corporations and bad products look good.
The marsupium is a perfect place for a kangaroo to hide the phones they steal from tourists. Only the females have a marsupium, the males usually stash them in a pouch they carry around the neck and back. Seldom may a young male be seen carrying a belt pouch. This is counter-intuitive, as they don't have a belt nor even trousers, but it makes them popular among middle-age and old-age men who carry similar accessories. These men wear the pouches around the waist despite of their trousers ending much higher, with the belt neatly tucked anywhere between the chest and armpits. They are less vigilant and observant, which makes them an easy target for the male kangaroo willing to put aside any fashion sense. A kangaroo in trousers would look funny in a ridiculous way, just like any of the beldams from 'Sex and the City' would look like regardless of what they're wearing. If you have any doubts at this point, no, you still cannot trust the advertising agencies.
Once the quota is reached, the young kangaroos get back to their parents and pass them the stolen goods. If they've done a good job they are allowed to keep one phone for themselves to play video games in which they're supposed to take care of some monkeys on the screen performing mundane activities, or other various games. There are not many monkeys in Australia, mostly for fiscal reasons and seasonal allergies.
Adult kangaroos are partial to iPhones, especially the black ones, and keep them for themselves. They rarely sell them, and only towards the end of the touristy season, when new models are released. They use the other phones mainly for trading with the koalas. Koalas are also marsupials like the kangaroos, but the main difference is that they're not so fond of iPhones. Regardless of colour -as they tend to pay attention to HR trainings- but mainly the black ones. Or any other colour. The white (and gold) phones, regardless of make and model are usually coveted by the inferior mammals, such as hipsters. The tourists also like to see and play with koalas, but koalas are not as physically endowed as the kangaroos and rarely manage to steal phones themselves. Their focus area is jewelry, as people holding them to take pictures have their necks and wrists exposed for extended periods of time. If the koalas were ninjas, they could easily strangle tourists and twist their arms if they wanted to. In this case, they could also steal the phones for themselves. There are not many ninjas in Australia, but most likely for different reasons than the monkeys; they're quite resilient to allergies and make excellent accountants. Koalas use the phones to search for meditation and yoga videos on the internet. This reflects in their calm and laid back attitude, particularly in areas with excellent signal. This also reflects in their lack of interest for becoming ninjas, which is fortunate because such a trend could negatively impact tourism in Australia and the subsequent scarcity of available mobile phones would affect the kangaroos' mood and recreational activities.
The old phones that nobody wants were favored by the dodos, on a neighboring island (and by grandmas and hillbillies, too; that's correct, I'm glad you paid attention because otherwise this story could be confusing). Their beaks could handle big buttons much better than touchscreens. Allegedly, they were also colour-blind and indifferent to high screen resolutions or the ability to read emails on anything other than large monitors. This hasn't been confirmed by scientists yet, and the interest in this topic is slowly fading, unfortunately. Well, we all know what happened to them eventually; this is a good lesson about what can happen if you don't keep up with evolution.

There are many beautiful examples of evolution in nature; the symbiosis between kangaroos and koalas is one of them. At the opposite end of the spectrum we have the advertising agencies, 'Sex and the City' and people who like golden phones. The dodos' extinction gives us hope, though..

Owling at the moon

Owls are impressive birds. They're viewed as fascinating and intelligent. They instill respect and sometimes fear. In some cultures they're viewed as harbingers of sorcery, ill omen or even death; it is thought an owl shrieking on someone's roof means someone in that house will die soon. But, occasional morbid reputation aside, most people think highly of them. They’re an icon of wisdom. Their big heads and big eyes are considered signs of superior intelligence. In stories they're often depicting old, wise characters. Their hypnotic but kind eyes, low voice and aura of mystery gain people's trust and respect for their judgment, which they often seek at times of doubt or grief. Nocturnal and solitary, they're not accessible to the non-initiated.
On top of their wisdom, some species are stunning specimens. Sometimes silvery or snow-white, their majestic plumage and aristocratic posture are a treat for any eye lucky to catch a glimpse. There is something almost magical about them, either in mid-flight or while dozing serenely on a branch, deep in the heart of the woods.
Most of them are grey and plain, though. And ugly. Their posture is forced and distorted and it’s there only to impress the weak. Their big eyes leave a little room for a little brain that can be only bothered with menial tasks like not knocking their big head against a tree while flapping around and looking for the occasional rodent to feast upon. They're vile and savage like a cheap predator. If any human feeling were to be wasted on them, it would be contempt or embarrassed pity. On more careful observation it's not hard to notice the cheap and fake shiny image, the shallowness behind the magniloquent talk and pompous feathers, the obsessed fixation on a fat juicy victim, the aggressive way they yell at their shiny cells in the office, in the restaurant or in the car. You see all the loud talk is only to cover the fear of missing the (quarterly) target, of seeing that juicy victim running away, of the fat percentage escaping from their talons in another salesperson's pocket.
Well, I say salespeople; I was thinking of owls. I know, I know, if you read again... But still, hmmm, what a strange coincidence!

Disclaimer: no sales people were harmed during the writing of this story. But on the other hand, when have they ever been on time for anything?