A useless guide to moral superiority

Easy! I will begin, of course, with something about religion, because it is an endless trove of inspiring tales when you are looking for moral superiority. Also, religious people are most likely to click on links and make the largest donations. So maybe I should focus on something nice, because if I infer bigotry, intolerance and the genocide of... pretty much anyone outside their flock they might click away in outrage and switch back to wedding-cake-hats and under-age grindring. An unusual choice, I know: someone who is sworn into celibacy to be so keen on hats resembling the symbol of weddings. Hmm... I cannot think of anything nice beyond cake, so maybe it is time to move on to something nicer than religion. How about preventing racism? A great topic for displaying moral superiority, without the need for holy books (if anything, holy books are anything but helpful here). This is something we can all agree on. Like the fact that some words we say can hurt and therefore are not okay to say. Particularly if you are white. If you black, they are fine. And if you are Asian then it is a gray, area depending on how drunk and rich are the black people at the party. A long time ago I saw a clip where a famous comedian (famous because his main audience is American) was saying it is okay for some people to use a certain word, but not for anyone else. Those that are okay to say it happen to be his people, which is a common occurrence in pretty much any religious argument. I said I would not get into religion, though, so back to our comedian. He argued that some things are okay when he does them but not okay when anyone else does. For instance, playing naked with his little children. Because if he does it, it is fine, but when anyone else does it they are paedophiles.
Well, there are some wrong ideas in his argument. And by wrong I mean utterly stupid. First: he might be a paedophile even if they are his children; being the father is not a guarantee. Second: while lack of garment is certainly weird (albeit more for other adults rather than children), it does not make you ipso facto a paedo. It is intent of sex and pursue of said intent that make you one. Third: it could be other toddlers playing with his, in which case it will not raise any eyebrows at all, particularly in a hot summer day around a swimming pool or spouting hydrant (are hydrants still a thing? I used to see loads of them in 'seventies and 'eighties movies). The same is also valid for pets, swimming pool or not. Nevertheless, he got huge cheers.

If you cannot make it as a cheap entertainer in front of an uneducated audience, another option for reaching moral superiority is to preach (sorry) about how important your (actually very unimportant) work is. You need to start by giving it a fancy title to compensate for how meaningless it is. Aim for something like personal development guru, AdWords master, life coach, guerilla copywriter, marketing ninja, sales black-belt or anything with synergy or leader in it. After that, keep on telling people how what you do makes the world a better place. From time to time gather with your peers and give each other shiny awards. Wear something gaudy. Top it off with a flashy hat. For extra notoriety and cash, put out a book titled "The name-of-your-job-here's Bible".


Hmm, is there a pattern emerging here? No matter how hard you try, you cannot boast your moral superiority without being religious, racist and/ or incompetent.


Probably the easiest way to display moral superiority safely is to install a men's bathroom, a women's bathroom, and at least other 6 to 8 other bathrooms for the others, according to how much the sub-genre acronym has expanded since the last time I checked. Probably soon they will run out of letters in the Latin alphabet to include every option, but luckily there are also the Cyrillic and Arabic alphabet for future additional options. Many of the peoples using them are notoriously famous for compassion and openness on the topic, which will make everything even more meaningful.

Or buy a silicone wrist band with a message.