One of the check-boxes people feel the need to tick when they visit
Australia is kangaroos. Kangaroos are sneaky predators that strike when you
expect it the least. Their modus operandi involves sending their cubs to play with tourists and look
cuddly and friendly. They accept your food and if you had something more in
mind, they'd say yes to that, too. And while you're busy aaaawing and oohing and getting
your fancy digital camera ready for a memorable snap, they steal your phone. Quickly and discreet,
they operate regardless of the make and model, assuming it's been made less than 3-4 years ago; the only thing they don't care
for is really old phones, like those that grandma or hillbillies are still using.
If you believe the ads, the most discreet thing in the world is a tampon. Tampons are also said to be major confidence boosters. Anyway, you cannot really trust the advertising agencies. They try to make evil corporations and bad products look good.
The marsupium is a perfect place for a kangaroo to hide the phones they steal from tourists. Only the females have a marsupium, the males usually stash them in a pouch they carry around the neck and back. Seldom may a young male be seen carrying a belt pouch. This is counter-intuitive, as they don't have a belt nor even trousers, but it makes them popular among middle-age and old-age men who carry similar accessories. These men wear the pouches around the waist despite of their trousers ending much higher, with the belt neatly tucked anywhere between the chest and armpits. They are less vigilant and observant, which makes them an easy target for the male kangaroo willing to put aside any fashion sense. A kangaroo in trousers would look funny in a ridiculous way, just like any of the beldams from 'Sex and the City' would look like regardless of what they're wearing. If you have any doubts at this point, no, you still cannot trust the advertising agencies.
Once the quota is reached, the young kangaroos get back to their parents and pass them the stolen goods. If they've done a good job they are allowed to keep one phone for themselves to play video games in which they're supposed to take care of some monkeys on the screen performing mundane activities, or other various games. There are not many monkeys in Australia, mostly for fiscal reasons and seasonal allergies.
Adult kangaroos are partial to iPhones, especially the black ones, and keep them for themselves. They rarely sell them, and only towards the end of the touristy season, when new models are released. They use the other phones mainly for trading with the koalas. Koalas are also marsupials like the kangaroos, but the main difference is that they're not so fond of iPhones. Regardless of colour -as they tend to pay attention to HR trainings- but mainly the black ones. Or any other colour. The white (and gold) phones, regardless of make and model are usually coveted by the inferior mammals, such as hipsters. The tourists also like to see and play with koalas, but koalas are not as physically endowed as the kangaroos and rarely manage to steal phones themselves. Their focus area is jewelry, as people holding them to take pictures have their necks and wrists exposed for extended periods of time. If the koalas were ninjas, they could easily strangle tourists and twist their arms if they wanted to. In this case, they could also steal the phones for themselves. There are not many ninjas in Australia, but most likely for different reasons than the monkeys; they're quite resilient to allergies and make excellent accountants. Koalas use the phones to search for meditation and yoga videos on the internet. This reflects in their calm and laid back attitude, particularly in areas with excellent signal. This also reflects in their lack of interest for becoming ninjas, which is fortunate because such a trend could negatively impact tourism in Australia and the subsequent scarcity of available mobile phones would affect the kangaroos' mood and recreational activities.
The old phones that nobody wants were favored by the dodos, on a neighboring island (and by grandmas and hillbillies, too; that's correct, I'm glad you paid attention because otherwise this story could be confusing). Their beaks could handle big buttons much better than touchscreens. Allegedly, they were also colour-blind and indifferent to high screen resolutions or the ability to read emails on anything other than large monitors. This hasn't been confirmed by scientists yet, and the interest in this topic is slowly fading, unfortunately. Well, we all know what happened to them eventually; this is a good lesson about what can happen if you don't keep up with evolution.
There are many beautiful examples of evolution in nature; the symbiosis between kangaroos and koalas is one of them. At the opposite end of the spectrum we have the advertising agencies, 'Sex and the City' and people who like golden phones. The dodos' extinction gives us hope, though..
If you believe the ads, the most discreet thing in the world is a tampon. Tampons are also said to be major confidence boosters. Anyway, you cannot really trust the advertising agencies. They try to make evil corporations and bad products look good.
The marsupium is a perfect place for a kangaroo to hide the phones they steal from tourists. Only the females have a marsupium, the males usually stash them in a pouch they carry around the neck and back. Seldom may a young male be seen carrying a belt pouch. This is counter-intuitive, as they don't have a belt nor even trousers, but it makes them popular among middle-age and old-age men who carry similar accessories. These men wear the pouches around the waist despite of their trousers ending much higher, with the belt neatly tucked anywhere between the chest and armpits. They are less vigilant and observant, which makes them an easy target for the male kangaroo willing to put aside any fashion sense. A kangaroo in trousers would look funny in a ridiculous way, just like any of the beldams from 'Sex and the City' would look like regardless of what they're wearing. If you have any doubts at this point, no, you still cannot trust the advertising agencies.
Once the quota is reached, the young kangaroos get back to their parents and pass them the stolen goods. If they've done a good job they are allowed to keep one phone for themselves to play video games in which they're supposed to take care of some monkeys on the screen performing mundane activities, or other various games. There are not many monkeys in Australia, mostly for fiscal reasons and seasonal allergies.
Adult kangaroos are partial to iPhones, especially the black ones, and keep them for themselves. They rarely sell them, and only towards the end of the touristy season, when new models are released. They use the other phones mainly for trading with the koalas. Koalas are also marsupials like the kangaroos, but the main difference is that they're not so fond of iPhones. Regardless of colour -as they tend to pay attention to HR trainings- but mainly the black ones. Or any other colour. The white (and gold) phones, regardless of make and model are usually coveted by the inferior mammals, such as hipsters. The tourists also like to see and play with koalas, but koalas are not as physically endowed as the kangaroos and rarely manage to steal phones themselves. Their focus area is jewelry, as people holding them to take pictures have their necks and wrists exposed for extended periods of time. If the koalas were ninjas, they could easily strangle tourists and twist their arms if they wanted to. In this case, they could also steal the phones for themselves. There are not many ninjas in Australia, but most likely for different reasons than the monkeys; they're quite resilient to allergies and make excellent accountants. Koalas use the phones to search for meditation and yoga videos on the internet. This reflects in their calm and laid back attitude, particularly in areas with excellent signal. This also reflects in their lack of interest for becoming ninjas, which is fortunate because such a trend could negatively impact tourism in Australia and the subsequent scarcity of available mobile phones would affect the kangaroos' mood and recreational activities.
The old phones that nobody wants were favored by the dodos, on a neighboring island (and by grandmas and hillbillies, too; that's correct, I'm glad you paid attention because otherwise this story could be confusing). Their beaks could handle big buttons much better than touchscreens. Allegedly, they were also colour-blind and indifferent to high screen resolutions or the ability to read emails on anything other than large monitors. This hasn't been confirmed by scientists yet, and the interest in this topic is slowly fading, unfortunately. Well, we all know what happened to them eventually; this is a good lesson about what can happen if you don't keep up with evolution.
There are many beautiful examples of evolution in nature; the symbiosis between kangaroos and koalas is one of them. At the opposite end of the spectrum we have the advertising agencies, 'Sex and the City' and people who like golden phones. The dodos' extinction gives us hope, though..
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