There's a link to my Twitter, where I posted a joke shared on my Facebook
page from some other place. I also put it on LinkedIn, because I'm a
professional. And I want people to enjoy my wit all over the entire social media.
I may even add a comment, but usually I will not. But I might embed some ads, and
then wait by the ATM while basking in my online popularity.
It's called social media, and looking at some of my connections on various sites, it seems to be pretty easy. Take a random photo with your iPhone, add some effects to make it unique and special (it's easy, unique effects are built-in), post it all over the place, and if writing a complete sentence is too complicated, just put a few random words with a hashtag in front of each. For instance, if it's a selfie but it contains only 8% of a corner of your left cheek and the rest is your hip woolly beanie or a scooter or a coffeehouse chain logo in the background, add something like #princess, #sweetie or #chillin'. And don't forget, last sentence must be "Pls share if you like it, Like if you agree". That's it, job done. The worse you are at framing and wording, the more artistic your friends will think you are. Easy.
And if it still isn't, fret not; there are experts all over the place willing to explain you the mysteries of the internet and social media. Some of them are really good, they have been around since Instagram only had black-and-white photos and the hashtag was known as the number sign.
If you're serious about being prolific, the first thing you need to learn is that the number of Likes you get is inversely proportional with content quality.
If you want to go even deeper, they can also teach you about trending, SEO and other interesting TLAs which are useful when you want to sound smart in a conversation with other people that don't have a clue, either. But usually, you don't want to go that deep, do you? Which is fortunate, as I haven’t paid much attention and that’s pretty much all I know about this topic. So let’s call this an unrelated introduction to what I really wanted to write about here: something else.
As most good corporate citizens, I am on a constant lookout for ways to improve efficiency. That would be an easy task if I were a manager; I’d cut my team’s bonuses and tell them it’s a directive from HQ for improving customer satisfaction by streamlining operational expenses and reshifting focus and resources towards this core-priority objective, which would lead to bigger bonuses for the next three years. This would allow me to lower costs and also get a bigger bonus for it. As I’m not a manager, I had to actually think for a bit, and after 2 strenuous minutes of hard thinking (spread across several days) I came up with a complete list (of two items).
Firstly, I’d get a couch. Improved ergonomics will considerably improve my productivity, leading to better results; for instance, faster times at Evil Sudoku can increase the amount of time I could allocate to actual work. A couch involves an initial cost, of course, but there would be savings, too: one of my favorite office activities is measuring how many milk packets I can pour in various containers such as paper cups, other colleagues’ mugs, empty flower vases, and -sometimes- other colleagues’ laptops while they’re busy taking to the car water and Coke bottles from the kitchen because... because the quality to price ratio is unbeatable anywhere else, I guess. Anyway, as a couch is more tempting, a decrease in interest for such experiments would lead to a decrease in expenses for milk packets. This alone would gradually cover the cost of a new couch in no-time (10 to 20 years, which is the standard for any decent strategy). Not to mention the savings on Post-It’s, as my inclination towards origami would plummet as well.
Another way of improving efficiency at the office is getting my own office. I’m not buying the ‘open-space improves team collaboration’ mantra, because most 'collaboration' revolves around jokes I've heard many years ago, "Have you seen the email I sent you 20 seconds ago? It’s really important." (Yes, I have seen it and I’ve already deleted it, turns out it wasn’t that important) and loud phone conversations about any possible pointless topic, except work, of course. "Hi, precious. Have you done your homework? You did? Good. Maths, too? That’s nice, has mommy/daddy checked it? Is grandma already home? Has she fed you lunch? What did you have?" (Followed by detailed inquires about every item in the fridge or pantry). "Well, I’ll be home in half an hour, too. Tell grandma she doesn’t need to buy water, I already took care of that. Put grandma on the phone, anyway. Bye, honey. Yes, I love you, too. Byyyeeee." The time until grandma picks up the phone is a great opportunity for additional inquiries about that email. "It’s really important..." "Hello? Did precious do all the homework? Have you checked? Even maths? Have you had lunch? What have you fed her?" (Guess what follows here). "Oh, by the way: don’t buy water; I took care of that." (I'm tempted to join in and add that Coke and whatever sodas are available in the kitchen have also been taken care of), "I’ll be home in 30 minutes. Bye". Obvious lie aside (they had told precious they’d be home in half an hour and then, 20 long minutes later, they told grandma they’d be home in half an hour, too), the open space is a constant source of such interruptions which distract me from watching YouTube. I often have to rewind and re-watch certain bits, which means even less time available for actual work.
Other potential areas of efficiency improvement involve a reworking of the cigarette breaks schedule and possibly getting a hyena or a tiger (hyenas are smart and fierce and tigers are cool and fierce) trained to react to certain ringtones and keywords. And a PA to delete emails on my behalf. But right now I’m a bit busy checking color swatches for the couch; I don’t like to be unprepared.
It's called social media, and looking at some of my connections on various sites, it seems to be pretty easy. Take a random photo with your iPhone, add some effects to make it unique and special (it's easy, unique effects are built-in), post it all over the place, and if writing a complete sentence is too complicated, just put a few random words with a hashtag in front of each. For instance, if it's a selfie but it contains only 8% of a corner of your left cheek and the rest is your hip woolly beanie or a scooter or a coffeehouse chain logo in the background, add something like #princess, #sweetie or #chillin'. And don't forget, last sentence must be "Pls share if you like it, Like if you agree". That's it, job done. The worse you are at framing and wording, the more artistic your friends will think you are. Easy.
And if it still isn't, fret not; there are experts all over the place willing to explain you the mysteries of the internet and social media. Some of them are really good, they have been around since Instagram only had black-and-white photos and the hashtag was known as the number sign.
If you're serious about being prolific, the first thing you need to learn is that the number of Likes you get is inversely proportional with content quality.
If you want to go even deeper, they can also teach you about trending, SEO and other interesting TLAs which are useful when you want to sound smart in a conversation with other people that don't have a clue, either. But usually, you don't want to go that deep, do you? Which is fortunate, as I haven’t paid much attention and that’s pretty much all I know about this topic. So let’s call this an unrelated introduction to what I really wanted to write about here: something else.
As most good corporate citizens, I am on a constant lookout for ways to improve efficiency. That would be an easy task if I were a manager; I’d cut my team’s bonuses and tell them it’s a directive from HQ for improving customer satisfaction by streamlining operational expenses and reshifting focus and resources towards this core-priority objective, which would lead to bigger bonuses for the next three years. This would allow me to lower costs and also get a bigger bonus for it. As I’m not a manager, I had to actually think for a bit, and after 2 strenuous minutes of hard thinking (spread across several days) I came up with a complete list (of two items).
Firstly, I’d get a couch. Improved ergonomics will considerably improve my productivity, leading to better results; for instance, faster times at Evil Sudoku can increase the amount of time I could allocate to actual work. A couch involves an initial cost, of course, but there would be savings, too: one of my favorite office activities is measuring how many milk packets I can pour in various containers such as paper cups, other colleagues’ mugs, empty flower vases, and -sometimes- other colleagues’ laptops while they’re busy taking to the car water and Coke bottles from the kitchen because... because the quality to price ratio is unbeatable anywhere else, I guess. Anyway, as a couch is more tempting, a decrease in interest for such experiments would lead to a decrease in expenses for milk packets. This alone would gradually cover the cost of a new couch in no-time (10 to 20 years, which is the standard for any decent strategy). Not to mention the savings on Post-It’s, as my inclination towards origami would plummet as well.
Another way of improving efficiency at the office is getting my own office. I’m not buying the ‘open-space improves team collaboration’ mantra, because most 'collaboration' revolves around jokes I've heard many years ago, "Have you seen the email I sent you 20 seconds ago? It’s really important." (Yes, I have seen it and I’ve already deleted it, turns out it wasn’t that important) and loud phone conversations about any possible pointless topic, except work, of course. "Hi, precious. Have you done your homework? You did? Good. Maths, too? That’s nice, has mommy/daddy checked it? Is grandma already home? Has she fed you lunch? What did you have?" (Followed by detailed inquires about every item in the fridge or pantry). "Well, I’ll be home in half an hour, too. Tell grandma she doesn’t need to buy water, I already took care of that. Put grandma on the phone, anyway. Bye, honey. Yes, I love you, too. Byyyeeee." The time until grandma picks up the phone is a great opportunity for additional inquiries about that email. "It’s really important..." "Hello? Did precious do all the homework? Have you checked? Even maths? Have you had lunch? What have you fed her?" (Guess what follows here). "Oh, by the way: don’t buy water; I took care of that." (I'm tempted to join in and add that Coke and whatever sodas are available in the kitchen have also been taken care of), "I’ll be home in 30 minutes. Bye". Obvious lie aside (they had told precious they’d be home in half an hour and then, 20 long minutes later, they told grandma they’d be home in half an hour, too), the open space is a constant source of such interruptions which distract me from watching YouTube. I often have to rewind and re-watch certain bits, which means even less time available for actual work.
Other potential areas of efficiency improvement involve a reworking of the cigarette breaks schedule and possibly getting a hyena or a tiger (hyenas are smart and fierce and tigers are cool and fierce) trained to react to certain ringtones and keywords. And a PA to delete emails on my behalf. But right now I’m a bit busy checking color swatches for the couch; I don’t like to be unprepared.
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