Intelligent evolution

In the beginning was the word. And God turned it into an amoeba. The amoeba agreed and said "Word". Then it grew up and turned directly into human, as frogs and monkeys have nothing to do with it. Dinosaurs are also ruled out, since they cannot fit the garden of Eden. Man -let's call him Adam- then had a woman and a bit later the snake had her too and gave her an apple -probably an iPod shuffle- to shut her up. And probably some STDs, but this is still open for debate (yes, only that, because all other stuff is so well established, verified and beyond any doubt).
As we all know, once you get an iPod you have instant great personality so she gave Adam a bite and left him with an ugly scar. Then they had make-up sex and had one son. And then they had two, and then only one again. As there were no other women, the son had sex with his mother and had a lot of sons and daughters. And so the world began.

While this theory of massive inbreeding may explain why we have politicians and lawyers, it leaves pretty much everything else uncovered. On the other hand, evolution is more reasonable, because I want my offspring to be Optimus Prime with Wolverine claws and Chuck Norris facts.

And bald, just to piss him off.
I'm going to be a great dad.