Grim

In good recent tradition, famous books are being milked even further with a movie. If the movie is successful, then a sequel follows, and then a prequel, and before you know it you've got a trilogy, a TV-series and possibly a video-game. Last year I managed to watch Lord of The Rings, an epic saga which span across many months (I'm referring here to the effort it took me to watch the entire movie). I haven't started Harry Potter yet, but in all fairness I watched some bits of the third movie at the cinema several years ago. Well, what I managed to watch was a series of boring interruptions to a productive 3-hours sleep, despite noisy kids and my enthusiastic friends. Well... true friends probably pick better movies and wait for Hermione to be of legal age before dragging you to watch her.

Anyway, this is about a more shady -and recent- book/movie combo. I first heard of "50 Shades of Gray" on Mock the Week. You shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but sometimes it actually works. There are things you just know are vile, without checking. Sometimes common-sense and (others') experience tell you not to jump in the abyss to check its depth. For instance, the black plague, being bit by a mamba, or Dan Brown's "books". Also, you don't need to put your tongue on a 9-volt battery to know it's bad. Well, this is not the best example.

Anyway, I'm happy to report I haven't even seen the cover but I'm confident to call it dismal. And given its popularity, a movie was expected.
The movie follows the story of a young and naive student who meets a disturbed and handsome rich man. At first she's wary and hesitating, but strange feelings and unknown emotions are pushing her further. And the closer she gets, the more attracted she is. After a while he starts feeling it too, and a magic bond is getting them closer (in bondage). As things are getting more and more intense, a Colombian cartel kidnaps the rich man and take him hostage. While his parents are negotiating the ransom and the terms for the exchange, the naive student asks her step-mother for help. Her step-mother is a black witch with deep connections in the underground world*. The story escalates in a chase on the open sea in a ravaging storm. The kidnappers' ship is hit by a cannonball and the baddies sink. Unfortunately, the rich man sinks with them. More unfortunately, there are sharks in the water, and they are hungry. Even more unfortunately, it ends tragically in an intense scene where the young man gets rescued by the Coast Guard and two sequels for the movies are announced for 2017 and 2018. They are happily reunited, but trouble will undoubtedly arise as tragic excuses for the sequels and to whet the appetite of the people with lives so hollow that find this exciting. I have not seen the movie, of course, but I am confident it's very bad. The movie is worse than I described it, but without the sharks, the cartel and the sorcery bits. It's cheap and stupid enough to make it palatable to the impressionable people with no taste.

At this pace, bad movies will have more sequels than a porn movie. And the only similarity will be the plot's depth.

*Footnote: Some examples of the underground world include drugs, unappreciated artists, moles, hidden treasures and lava.