Are you allowed to use Ebola to win at Scrabble?

There are jobs where thinking outside the box is really important. For instance, being a delivery guy, operating a forklift or digging graves. Some people in PR and advertising like to think of themselves they're outside-the-box-thinking professionals, too. Thanks to them we get ads for detergents that are not like other detergents, just like every other insurance and razor. And coughing pills which go directly to the pain following a map well traced on the human body.

A while ago I got a cold. Just like tasks at work, I didn't mind it, waiting for it to go away by itself after a while. But just like some tasks at work, some won't have the decency to vanish if you ignore them for long enough. Coughing didn't really bother me, but it didn't let me sleep at night (and at the office) and comfort is something I do care about. After three days I made some tea, but it didn't help much. It was time for action. Luckily, I happened to find some coughing pills in the fridge door, so no time for action yet. The pills had been sitting there for about seven or eight years, most likely someone I shared the place with back then had bought them just in case. Now it was the case.

[...]

An irritated woman standing near me in the pharmacy started bitching that she didn't want to get sick from me as I was buying anti-coughing pills. So I did the honorable thing and turned to talk to her and calm her down. Somehow it didn't seem to help, she started yelling even louder her she didn't like a sick person near her. There's no pleasing some people. In the end I told her I didn't particularly like her tone and idiotic complaints either. Surprisingly, that did shut her up. I left with the pills, pleasantly surprised of my skills at interacting with other women. On the way out I asked if they had any syrup for Ebola. Ebola is quite catchy, like an annoying song. Truth be told, that woman was quite catchy, too. Catchy like an annoying song. Good manners cost nothing. And not wasting them on adequate occasions is rather rewarding.

In the end the disease went away. I am dead now. It would have been convenient if hell had existed, it's supposed to be hot in there. This could help when you've got a cold. The last thing you'd want to get is a cloud in heaven. It's drafty and there's no proper thermal insulation. Not even walls. And the music as bad as in elevators.

I still have some pills left, if anyone's interested. Hurry up, though, they'll be useless in less than 8 years. Well, they're pretty useless now, too. But they're sweet and can be a decent replacement for mints if you forgot yours at home. Fresh breath is important. Which is why picking the right tooth paste is so crucial, if you believe those professional people in the advertising industry (sorry about the coughing, but the pills were not as effective as the ad said they would be). Which closes the narrative circle. Good night.

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Actually, not yet, there's a tangent to the circle. There are also some eggs that have been sharing the fridge door space with the previous cough pills for about one year. I am not sure about the expiration date, it has worn off. I tried a couple of them, and they seemed to be ok. I still have 8 or 9 more. They're ideal to take on a trip to hell; plenty of places to fry them there. Or I could use them in a gift basket, with the new coughing pills and a barely opened bottle of hot sauce and 2 unopened bottles, one with vanilla extract the other with ginger extract. Is your birthday coming soon?