Nothing beats the amazing feeling of relief, like a pardon in front of the
firing squad (fastidious hat tip to Mr. F.M.D.). Or when you find out you
finally passed that tedious exam (you had failed it 2 times already) you
dreaded preparing for but you had to for almost 3 hours the night before. Or
when you finally got that raise you've been waiting for quite a while and that
new bitch who transferred a few months ago wanted to snatch from you by
ass-kissing everyone above on the hierarchical ladder. Or, the morning after
you've spent the night with an incredible woman and everything was perfect when
-after she's gone- you can finally release whatever you've been holding in
since last night when you were cuddling, because you were an idiot and had too
much fruit during the evening.
And -probably on top of the list- when you find out a task you were supposed to do but have been pushing for the past months was finally cancelled. That is my default approach to almost each task I am assigned, partly because I know most of them are pointless anyway, and partly (at least 2 parts are involved here) because of the great feeling of relief when I find out it's been cancelled. Especially right before realizing that's it, today I have to take care of it, deadline is looming. Deadlines tend to appear several weeks after you've been first asked if you did something you were asked to do but you didn't because it didn't seem urgent as there was no deadline. At first they're just a minor nuisance in the back of your head and calendar, but they grow and grow and grow. Slowly but implacably, a long time till then turns into eh, still a while, then not so soon, then this week and finally, only a couple of days left. They also materialize in the shape of reminders and emails asking if it's done already. A quick snooze and delete fix this temporarily, but you know you have to start. And right before you do start, that is the sweetest spot for cancellation. Because just like all work and no play make Jack a dull boy, all play and no work make me incredibly sharp and productive at not doing whatever it is I'm supposed to do (but still don't). And if it doesn't happen and I actually start working on it (well, probably not the most suitable phrasing, but still, it looks like I am), then all fun is gone. Yes, sometimes being at work is not all about having fun (and avoiding work). Which ruins the mood a bit.
Not all hope is lost, though. For instance, you can call in sick. Oh, good old diseases: flu, cold, allergies, toothache... So many nice options. But keep in mind, if you want to be credible you need to plan ahead; this is not for amateurs. If the deadline is on Thursday, you start feeling not so great since Monday morning or the week before. And you let people know you're not very well, but it's not so bad and you're doing your best to be at work and take care of things, you're a team player and don't want to let people down. Of course, despite all your good will it gets worse and worse. By Tuesday afternoon, right before you leave, you announce you'll be staying at home the next day; it's getting serious. Napkins, empty medicine bottles on your desk are proof (you took care of those, haven't you? you're not an amateur, are you?). Luckily, there's nothing important planned for Wednesday and your absence won't impact anybody. Unfortunately, this won't go away in only one day, and by Thursday you're so sick that you even forget to charge your phone and you're in no condition to read your emails or do any work. On Friday around noon it's getting better; a good time (after lunch break is the best time, everyone's tired and thinking of the weekend) to let your colleagues or manager know that you're still quite sick but hope to be getting better by Monday. Expressing your interest in how things are working at the office is a nice touch, but only marginally make inquiries about the task you were supposed to finish on Thursday (you forgot about it already?). Based on that, you may decide if your extended weekend extends further beyond Monday or not. Just remember not to post any photos on facebook from your mini-vacation.
And -probably on top of the list- when you find out a task you were supposed to do but have been pushing for the past months was finally cancelled. That is my default approach to almost each task I am assigned, partly because I know most of them are pointless anyway, and partly (at least 2 parts are involved here) because of the great feeling of relief when I find out it's been cancelled. Especially right before realizing that's it, today I have to take care of it, deadline is looming. Deadlines tend to appear several weeks after you've been first asked if you did something you were asked to do but you didn't because it didn't seem urgent as there was no deadline. At first they're just a minor nuisance in the back of your head and calendar, but they grow and grow and grow. Slowly but implacably, a long time till then turns into eh, still a while, then not so soon, then this week and finally, only a couple of days left. They also materialize in the shape of reminders and emails asking if it's done already. A quick snooze and delete fix this temporarily, but you know you have to start. And right before you do start, that is the sweetest spot for cancellation. Because just like all work and no play make Jack a dull boy, all play and no work make me incredibly sharp and productive at not doing whatever it is I'm supposed to do (but still don't). And if it doesn't happen and I actually start working on it (well, probably not the most suitable phrasing, but still, it looks like I am), then all fun is gone. Yes, sometimes being at work is not all about having fun (and avoiding work). Which ruins the mood a bit.
Not all hope is lost, though. For instance, you can call in sick. Oh, good old diseases: flu, cold, allergies, toothache... So many nice options. But keep in mind, if you want to be credible you need to plan ahead; this is not for amateurs. If the deadline is on Thursday, you start feeling not so great since Monday morning or the week before. And you let people know you're not very well, but it's not so bad and you're doing your best to be at work and take care of things, you're a team player and don't want to let people down. Of course, despite all your good will it gets worse and worse. By Tuesday afternoon, right before you leave, you announce you'll be staying at home the next day; it's getting serious. Napkins, empty medicine bottles on your desk are proof (you took care of those, haven't you? you're not an amateur, are you?). Luckily, there's nothing important planned for Wednesday and your absence won't impact anybody. Unfortunately, this won't go away in only one day, and by Thursday you're so sick that you even forget to charge your phone and you're in no condition to read your emails or do any work. On Friday around noon it's getting better; a good time (after lunch break is the best time, everyone's tired and thinking of the weekend) to let your colleagues or manager know that you're still quite sick but hope to be getting better by Monday. Expressing your interest in how things are working at the office is a nice touch, but only marginally make inquiries about the task you were supposed to finish on Thursday (you forgot about it already?). Based on that, you may decide if your extended weekend extends further beyond Monday or not. Just remember not to post any photos on facebook from your mini-vacation.
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